Sitting here writing this entry, my house is a mess because there’s so much I need to do. Miss Rylee is asleep; the boys are at school so the house is eerily quiet. You see my husband Rob is still in hospital. He’s in the assessment, treatment and rehabilitation (AT&R) ward for physical and occupational therapy. The reason he is there is because over a fortnight ago he had a right frontal craniotomy which in simple terms means he had brain surgery. The surgery was necessary due to the fact he had drug-resistant epilepsy. He flew up to Auckland, about an hour’s flight from Wanganui, with his Mum and I stayed back in Wanganui as our kids needed me. After about a week and a half in Auckland Hospital he was transferred from Auckland Hospital to Wanganui Hospital.
There is no certainty when he will be discharged and able to come home, I don’t even know if he will definitely be home before Christmas. Hopefully he will be as the estimated time was a month in AT&R.
While he’s been in hospital I’ve had to do Mumlife solo; No I’m not a solo mum, as I know my husband will be home sometime, in the meantime I’m trying to do the best I can by myself. Fortunately, I’ve had friends and family that have been a big help. You know what though, I still only ask for help when I feel I have no other option. Last night was the first time I had been able to visit Rob without any of the kids. Last week I didn’t get a chance to as on the days Rylee was at crèche I’d kept the boys home from school as Jason, my 7 year old had fallen off the school playground and sustained a mild concussion, I was advised to keep him at home until the headaches had subsided and to make it easier on me I also kept his little brother Alex home as well.
I love my kids so much but last week I felt like I’d had enough of their fighting, whining, and general disobedience. There are days when I really can’t be bothered to do any cleaning because it feels like that’s all I’ve done. Of course this means there’s even more to do the next day. Often I find I do more housework at night as that is when I feel the loneliest and when my thoughts are the loudest.
I find it interesting how when hubby and I would have rough patches and I briefly thought about calling it quits I never actually thought about what life would be like if I had to do everything myself
After these 2 weeks I have such an admiration for people that are solo parents in a more long term situation, and those whose partners are away quite frequently and they have to do everything themselves. I’ve found it takes a lot of energy and can be quite lonely sometimes even though you’re constantly with kids. We often need adult interaction as well to try to keep us sane.
One of the good things that have come out of the surgery is that Rob hasn’t had a seizure since about 1 or 2 days post-op, his thinking also seems to be clearer. His left leg is still very weak which is why he needs physical and occupational therapy; which he is thoroughly getting.
The positive aspects do not negate the fact that I miss him like crazy; it’ll be 10 years in January since we were married and this is the longest we’ve been away from each other. With all my imaginings of what could go wrong I did not expect to feel this temporary separation so keenly and I’m glad I didn’t lose him forever, even though there have been hard moments during our marriage in the end he’s my best friend, my soul mate and the one person I like to annoy the most. I think I would be completely lost without him.
Our kids absolutely adore their Dad and Jason was asking the other day “when will Dad be home?” and it hurt that I couldn’t give him a definitive answer.
The first time I took Miss Rylee to see her Dad it took a while before she’d even just give him a high five. When I took the boys the first time, Jason couldn’t get close enough to his Dad on the bed, Alex seemed to take everything in his stride and if I didn’t know better I would have thought he didn’t care too much that his Dad was at least back in town and a lot more accessible. Alex’s current behaviour is not exactly desirable and I think that is how he’s reacting to his Dad not being home.
Right now, I’m just praying and hoping that Rob’s rehab is speedy and he can return home before Christmas