Memory Banks Full of Love and Fun

Memory Banks Full of Love and Fun

Parenting is a journey full of trials and wonder. There are times when I’m surprised by my reaction or my kids’ reaction to a certain moment. For example, when my boys who are 5 and almost 7 hopped on the school bus for the first time, I thought “how little they look” I had become so used to their growing independence that this reaction caught me off guard.

Boys catching bus

This moment made me consciously aware of that every moment in your child’s life though may seem small can have significant meaning.

 

When I had my eldest boy I was so excited for him to say his first word and to take his first step because as a first time parent it was a huge milestone. Those milestones I wasn’t in so much of a hurry for when my other kids came along. Anyhow, as my children got older important milestones seem to be fewer and my excitement seemed to lessen, I was unaware of this fact yet the love I have for my kids has not lessened.

Alex and Jase award

There are moments where we’re not exactly thrilled about. When our child has their first public tantrum it can bring feelings of embarrassment and sometimes guilt. There’re probably moments in a tween or teen’s life that does not make us proud; it is something I have yet to experience.

With my kids, so far it feels like up until about 6 years old each age gets worse. My 5 year old can be defiant and/or disobedient to point that I want to tear my hair out. My eldest boy who’s almost 7 can be a big help – when he’s not fighting with his little brother.

My little girl is 2 years old in a few months and has already started with the “two year old” tantrums, though most of the time she is very sweet and easily placated.

Some of the moments that I love, are when my boys are caring towards someone else whether it be to each other, their little sister, another child or on rare occasions an adult. It’s those moments that I cling to when my boys seem to be doing their best to try and kill each other.

Clinging to those good moments, moments of kindness, politeness and empathy can help me feel like I’m actually doing a good job s a parent and up not screwing my kids’ lives up even though I lose my cool sometimes.

Those good moments are the things kids will remember the most as long as those times are the majority and not a rarity. Take every chance you can to build up their memory banks full of love, good times and fun experiences.

Childhood memories

 

Advertisements
Zoë-Girl and Our Little Princess

Zoë-Girl and Our Little Princess

Rylee’s first birthday is just days away and when I’m not thinking about the party prep, my mind is often on our Zoë girl and how she won’t reach all these milestones. Some may say I should be happy that I have my princess to experience them, yet that’s not the same thing as Rylee is Rylee and Zoë is Zoë. How they would have reached their milestones would have been different. With Zoë I would have experienced her milestones as a first-time mother; I’m finding that in a way I compare Rylee’s milestones to that of her brothers’.

Rylee is my little princess through and through, she even has a little princess wave. Zoë I have no idea what she would be like, and I miss that. Some may believe that since she was still-born she didn’t really live; however I have photos of her, prints of her hands and feet. She has a birth certificate, I may not have experienced much with Zoë other than planning her funeral but she’s still my daughter, she gave me many stretch marks and I still remember her kicks and movements, I remember the cravings and aversion to mince.

Some may believe that a 1st birthday isn’t important as the child won’t remember, but I believe that the 1st birthday is an important milestone and in this day and age when social media and digital photography plays such a large role in our society then the child can look at the memories and know that their firsts were important.

For Rylee I want her to always know that she’s not a replacement for her big sister as no-one can “replace” Zoë and that Rylee is an important part of our family in her own right. Hopefully Rylee will always feel loved and she is, especially by her big brothers – I will probably have to remind them when she’s old enough to annoy themJ.

I may be a bit bias, but I think that Rylee is the most beautiful little girl in the world and sometimes can’t believe I made someone so pretty. She is such a happy little baby and puts up with a lot from her big brothers.  Maybe Zoë would have put her little brothers’ in their place but I think Rylee has them wrapped around her little finger. At the moment Rylee definitely has her brothers’ attention not just her biggest brother but also the younger of her big brothers who likes to pick her up and move her around the room even though she has been able to crawl from about 6 and a half months.

When Rylee starts school I will probably also think about what Zoë would have been doing then, I can’t seem to stop thinking about that, every milestone that Rylee reaches causes me to think about Zoë. All my children will know that Zoë is still a part of the family just the same as their Nana who died before they were even a thought.

Child milestones – Subjective

Child milestones – Subjective

Often in mum/parenting online groups I see that the topic of milestones are raised, “when did your child do this/that” I have found that amongst my own children that milestones are very subjective. My boys are 20 months apart and when it came to the crawling/walking milestones they were pretty close in age when they reached them. When it comes to being toilet trained however – my eldest boy Jason has taken longer, he still wears pull-ups at night; whereas his little brother Alex has been dry at night for about a week or so now, but still chooses to wear pull-ups.the-kids

My 7 month old baby girl is already crawling, the boys didn’t crawl until they were around 10 months old and then walked around 17/18 months old. Jason was on solids at 5 1/2 months whereas Alex didn’t take to solids until about 7/8 months. Little Miss Rylee is slowly getting used to solids but as she still has the tongue reflex its still a bit of a trial.

When Jason was crawling his friend who’s a few months older wasn’t crawling yet, his friend though started walking before him.  Miss Rylee has a friend who’s 8 days older than her and is sitting up unassisted quite well yet not crawling whereas Rylee can’t sit unassisted.

When milestoevery-child-is-specialnes are reached is determined on the child themselves, yes we may be able to help them to get reach them however it is still up to their abilities as every child is different, so unless it is known that a child may have difficulty reaching a particular milestone more often than not a child will eventually reach it.

Comparing children I’m guessing many parents are guilty of whether it be between a child and their siblings or a friend’s child, I’m having to work at that with my own children and I’m hoping that I’m slowly ceasing the comparing.

One of the reasons for the comparisons is that we as parents want to be doing whats right and if our child isn’t doing what another child is doing then we may doubt our abilities as parents. In my opinion if we compare our children to other children whats to stop them from comparing themselves to others when they are adults.

Whether it be adults or children we just need to do the best we can and focus on our own particular strengths and gifts and not feel envious of the strengths and gifts that others may possess.

not-a-race