2021 – A Year of Change

Whew! What a year this has been. Covid 19 continues to disrupt lives and what was the “normal” way of life for most people has been destroyed. I don’t think life will ever be as it was before, even when Covid is no longer an element to be considered.

This year, I started my journey towards becoming a teacher. My eldest son turned 10 and my baby girl turned 5 and started school. I’m growing confident in my own abilities and able to recognise my strengths instead of just my perceived flaws. Watching my children grow and develop their personalities has been an encouraging parenting journey. My 2^nd son is becoming more confident and is helpful, more than I thought he would be. It was my 2^nd son, my middle child that caused me to feel I had failed in my parenting abilities. He is a black and white person and wasn’t willing to see beyond what he wanted to do, now he allows some coercion towards parental expected tasks.

Parenting is a journey with its ebb and flows; there are times when I’ve felt I’ve nailed it and other times when there’ve been parenting fails. No matter what joy or failure has entailed, the journey is interesting and with every age and stage, there is something to learn…. or unlearn.

Parenting more than one child through the diverse stages is different depending on the child as they have their own individual personalities. Even brothers need to be parented differently, I love my children equally but also differently. I recognise the differences in their personalities and try to parent them differently. Expectations are the same but the implementation in those expectations differs. Considering that parenting is an ongoing journey and lapse of judgments can occur, I sometimes make the mistake of comparing the capabilities of my children, even when I’m aware that it is not a positive attitude and allows for discord among siblings – it can perpetuate any feelings siblings may have of perceived parental favouritism.

Children are individuals and should be treated accordingly. Comparison tends to have negative connotations, even when it’s a subconscious comparison.

From Stay-at-Home Mum to Student Teacher

Wow, what a year last year was, with COVID infecting New Zealand and having to lockdown for over a month. It really made me question certain things, made me realise that the things I wanted to do I no longer was keen to do. Things I never thought I wanted to to do I realised I was keen to do, which brings me to now.

This year I’ve started my journey towards becoming a qualified teacher. I’ve had one week on campus for orientation, which started off with another change in the COVID levels which meant I could no longer stay on the marae as planned, but had to commute over an hour to campus and back again for a couple of days until alternate accommodation was found. My pastor contacted someone he knew who found someone who lived just 10 minutes away from campus and were willing to let me stay at their home which was a great help. My week on campus was also the first time I’d been away from my children for that length of time. My husband at that time was in hospital in a different city from all of us recovering from surgery. To my surprise and relief the kids were fine, I don’t think they were permanently damaged.

Firstly, my wonderful mother-in-law looked after them in our house, driving them to school/kindy. Then when my husband finally came home from hospital on the Tuesday she took them all on board. On Wednesday my Brother-in-law and his fiancée took the boys to their place and took charge of them there

This week was my official first week of study and has started off with another increase in the COVID level which fortunately hasn’t affected my study or being able to be at the school I’ll be at for my professional experience. Today, I spent most of the day at the library studying whilst my mother-in-law helped out with my husband and daughter. Due to my husband still recovering from surgery and waiting for a bone graft in his skull he needs someone to be with him almost 24/7 – he would probably disagree with me.

In doing a bachelor degree, which is 3 years. I’m going to have to learn to lean on other people, that I’m not travelling this journey alone, that though I may not be able to be there as for my children as I once was, in the long run its going to be better. They will see how sometimes to acquire what you want or what needs to be done requires hard work and sacrifice. I need to keep focused on what I want to achieve and what it will mean for my family when I do achieve it.

This is my year of getting out of the boat, out of the safety of my box and surging ahead. Learning new ways of keeping the anxiety/depression away and not letting life get the better of me.

Our ‘Hello Fresh’ experience

Recently, a friend blessed us with the opportunity to try a Hello Fresh box. I chose the Family Plan which they claim feeds 4-5 people; that was an underestimate for our family. Our family consists of myself, Rob (Hubby), Jason – 8 year old boy, Alex – 6 year old boy and Rylee our 3 year old daughter. Jason can easily eat as much as an adult and sometimes Alex can eat almost as much as Jason. Rylee is very fussy and sometimes doesn’t eat much.

Meal 1

Beef Rump & Peppercorn Sauce with Mash & Balsamic Veggies

The night we had this meal happened to be the night we had a Church Family meeting in the afternoon and because we got back when we normally have dinner we were tired and I was rushing when I made this meal and didn’t give it the attention it deserved. I misread the instructions and lacked the patience needed for cooking the sauce which meant that it wasn’t the consistency that was best.

Even though mistakes were made, it was still tasty. The kids liked the Beef Rump, yet found the Balsamic veggies not to their liking, I think it was the Balsamic part of the veggies that they didn’t like, the boys are not that fussy; however if they don’t like something nothing can entice them to eat that particular food.

Overall, this meal was a fail due to the cook’s impatience and anxiety and not the meal idea itself.

 

Meal 2

Honey-Soy Glazed Chicken with Sesame Fries & Japanese Salad

This time I was able to take the time to read the recipe properly and for the most part followed it to the letter, I just didn’t thinly slice the chicken thinly as it was so tender that they were already in portions suitable for my family.

This meal was a definite win with the whole family and even after dishing up on everyone’s plates there were left-overs but that didn’t last long. The boys loved everything even the Salad and wanted more helpings of Salad and it was all eaten up that evening.

I have yet to work out how to cook fries so they don’t stick to the baking paper but that didn’t matter to the boys as after they had eaten what was on their plates the attacked those that were left on the tray with vigour

Meal 3

Caribbean Beef Chilli with Coconut Rice & Charred Corn Salsa

Rob’s portion which he demolished 

Another win, again I was able to give it the attention it deserved and even though I had Rylee wanting my attention as well, I was a bit more relaxed than the first night and was able to multitask between cooking and giving Rylee some of my attention

Chilli flakes were an optional choice which I chose to add, with a bit of hesitation. My hesitation was unnecessary as it didn’t make the chilli very spicy, it just added more flavour with a touch of spiciness.

I found this meal filling as did Alex, Rylee liked the rice and the lemon slice the best. Rob and Jason had seconds.

My portion which I found hard to finish

Meal 4

Asian-Style Sichuan Pork with Garlic Rice

Even though the recipe was followed, and I didn’t feel rushed I found this meal not as enjoyable as the previous two. It was edible and the enjoyed by Rob and the kids. I did like the vegetables and the pork, but it definitely wasn’t a big favourite with me. That’s okay though as not everything is going to appeal to everyone and in a lot of cases, I’m not a big fan of pork – though I do LOVE bacon.

Jason found this filling, it could have been because on this night he wasn’t feeling the greatest, but he came back and finished it later that evening. Alex and Rob cleared their plates, Rylee ate a little bit but was distracted by wanting to go on her phone and making sure Jason was okay.

Jason’s portion

Conclusion:

Overall, this was a positive experience, the meals enjoyable and filling. If our budget allowed, I’d definitely get more boxes, unfortunately at this moment in time it’s not in line with our budget. The only regret I have is that I rushed the first dinner which also meant the kids didn’t enjoy all of the Beef Rump with Peppercorn sauce meal. My favourite meal would have to be the Honey-Soy Glazed Chicken with Sesame Fries & Japanese Salad

 Jason and Alex both said they liked the one with the fries and Rob said he liked the second, third and fourth meal equally

Truth or Reality: Preconceived Perceptions

Perceived preconceptions; these seem to be a part of human nature and affects multiple areas in everyday life. Whether it be the way a person dresses, talks and looks. It can also be a person’s medical issues or certain beliefs that can lead to perceived preconceptions.

I have found myself inadvertently forming preconceptions about my own children’s abilities or reactions. These preconceptions could be because of how they behaved when they were younger or my assumptions of what I thought a child of their age was capable; the truth is children are capable of diverse abilities and reactions as they are all unique.

Due to my own preconceptions I was concerned that the teachers would expect my youngest boy to have similar capabilities and emotional reactions as his big brother, whilst they are brothers and less than two years apart they are two completely different people.

My husband Rob was diagnosed with epilepsy around the age of seven and his first craniotomy (brain surgery) was when he was eleven, which they botched up and he ended up partially paralysed. Since then has had to deal with people’s uneducated preconceptions. Even some medical personnel have made some assumptions due to what they were taught or because they didn’t have an intimate knowledge of his medical history.

Almost a year ago he had another craniotomy where he was put under general anaesthetic; which ended up causing his left side to weaken in strength even more and he had to work at walking again. He has to have physio once a week to work on strengthening that side; though this is his current situation it doesn’t help when people assume his capabilities/limitations.

He used to have little trouble playing rough and tumble with our boys. However, due to the current deterioration of his balance its not as it was pre-op. Rough and tumble play can lead to him accidentally hurting one of the boys, himself or even breaking something.

Just because someone may appear to fit the “disabled” box does not give people the right to assume that person’s capabilities. No matter what may appear to be the reality doesn’t make it the truth. If reality and truth were synonymous with each then the “reality” shows wouldn’t be pandering to their target audience but as it is, the perceptions of reality shows are just the creative design of producers who want good ratings and so portray the parts that will help them get good results.

In my opinion, a lot of racism, sexism.. etc are due to childhood teachings. Even the bias against certain religions might stem from media portrayal of negative actions of a minority. I believe that its better to search things out for yourself and not just go with what seems easier to believe or seems to be the status quo.

I grew up in church and until I was in my mid 20’s didn’t really question what I was being taught in church. Then when I was 25 years old my first child Zoë was stillborn due to cranial abnormalities, which the medical professionals couldn’t give me a reason why, apparently it was just one of those things – this wasn’t exactly helpful. I started questioning what I had been taught and looking back I realised something. In the midst of deep grief, I felt I could choose to either believe that God wasn’t all powerful, or that God wasn’t loving. Even in my questioning I couldn’t not believe in God, to me that just wasn’t plausible. I chose at that time to believe that God just wasn’t all powerful, now though I’m slowly starting to believe in his power again.

Moving on, just because preconceptions seem to be a part of human nature and affect everyone, we need to try and not make assumptions. I know it is something I’m guilty of – even when there’s no reason for my assumption but I am a work in progress, just like all of us. We all see things differently and that’s what makes life interesting. Everyone attacks situations differently some may see obstacles in life a barrier and give up, whilst others find a way around the obstacle or they just barge on through and pay not attention to the obstacle.

Not All Things Are Black or White

Currently, here in New Zealand a bill is going through parliament to reform the abortion law. So far, it has passed one reading. With this divisive topic currently in the forefront, it has caused me to look at my own beliefs on the matter.

Up until my early/mid-20’s I was very much pro-life and believed that abortion was wrong as it was killing a life and those who had abortions were uneducated or selfish. Then when I was 24 and pregnant with my first child, we found out at 20 weeks that she had cranial abnormalities and was not viable for life. I was given the choice to carry on with the pregnancy; with the medical professionals not expecting me to carry to term; or to abort my child – the fetus, they called her. I chose to carry on with the pregnancy and give my girl at least a chance to live. She went to 42 weeks gestation when I had to be induced. She still had a slight heartbeat when her head came out, but she got stuck due to shoulder dystocia and was stillborn. The medical professionals’ prognosis was not completely off-track, it just took longer than they anticipated.

I do not regret the decision to carry on with the pregnancy, but it was not an easy decision to make and it made me realise that abortion is not a black and white issue. To some it may seem an easy decision, there is so much more to it than that. Yes, a pregnancy is a life and I would never have had an abortion – that is mine and my husband’s choice.  I don’t expect anyone to make the same choice easily.

 

I now have a bit of an understanding why some people have abortions or even consider abortion. Pregnancy, even with a wanted child can be difficult. If that pregnancy came about due to nefarious means or has negative mental implications could make a pregnancy harder to deal with and that is not good for either mother or child.

I will believe that abortion is a life-taking act, however, more empathy and less judgment is needed around the whole topic. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own decisions as I believe that in most cases the decision to abort is not a simple decision. If any woman has an abortion, few, if any would know what bought her to that decision. Even if the decision is presumably known, doesn’t give anyone the right to judge no matter what their opinion.

I do believe that aborting from the 2^nd trimester on – unless for medical reasons, may not be a great decision, but again we don’t know how the decision was bought about and the woman still needs empathy and love. I also believe that choosing life when possible is the best choice

 

I love the quote from Dr. Seuss in Horton Hears a Who “A person is a person, no matter how small” it is a quote that makes me think of my eldest daughter, my Zoë-Girl who is still a part of me. No matter that she never took a breath of air, I never got to see her open eyes. Her death opened my eyes that sometimes things aren’t as black and white as they seem.

Talking ’bout My Girl

I had always wanted a daughter, that would hopefully one day grow up to be like a best friend. When I was pregnant with my Zoe-Girl, our first child I thought that dream was going to come true, unfortunately it was not to be as she was still-born. When I was pregnant with my eldest son Jason; At first, I felt disappointed that he was a boy and actually cried when we found out – but after he was born it didn’t matter, I loved him from the first moment I saw him. When we had our second son Alex, I didn’t care whether we were having a boy or girl, as long as the baby was healthy – which is what hadn’t happened with Zoe. When Alex was Two years old my husband and I decided to have one more baby and I really hoped for a girl. I knew that it would be my last pregnancy no matter what gender the baby was; and was over the moon when we found out we were having another girl.

During the pregnancy, I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be. I often felt like something was going to go wrong, it was not an easy pregnancy, around 34 weeks gestation they discovered I had an irritable uterus. This was the reason for the constant Braxton hicks I had been having from around 13-15 weeks gestation. I ended up having a c-section just after 38 weeks, a week earlier than would normally happen for a planned c-section.

When they bought Rylee up above the sheet for me to see her, I held my breath until I heard her first cry. When I heard her little cry, I almost cried myself and was so full of joy as they laid her on me, I couldn’t believe she was finally here. I had felt little joy during my pregnancy with her, except for when we found out we were having a girl, as I had quite a bit of fear that what I had dreamt was not really going to happen. When she was born, for the most part those fears were laid to rest.

Now three years from that momentous day; it seems like time has gone by so fast, yet at times slowly. I miss the days when my girl was completely reliant on me. To be honest, there are moments when I wish she wasn’t so clingy. I try to treasure every cuddle and every kiss, every time my girl wants to hold my hand; as I know a time will come when they will occur less frequently. A time when she doesn’t need me as much as she does right now. Trying to treasure these moments all the time can be difficult. Sometimes she wants to be carried, when I don’t think she needs to be carried. As she gets older, she’s also getting bigger and its not as easy to carry her as it was a year ago.

When she was a baby, she was quiet most of the time, and now as a three-year-old she is quite the little chatterbox and can sometimes be a force to be reckoned with. As a baby I dressed her how I wanted to, now she tries to choose her own clothes and many times I allow her to wear her choice, as long as it is suitable weather-wise. Sometimes I add to what she wants to wear; in doing so, I’m teaching her about compromise in a practical way.

Her hair as a baby was very light and limited, I often put a headband on her so she didn’t seem so bald, she now has a lot more hair and won’t wear any of those headbands, but I seem to be able to put clips in her hair and tie it up as long as she is distracted.

For her third birthday, we brought her a play kitchen, which has given her another bedtime avoidance tactic. She has to “wash her dishes” before getting in her pyjamas or going to bed. It also means she no longer raids our kitchen for dishes other than when she has a practical need.

She can be very commanding, especially towards her big brothers and tries to be with her Daddy and I. She likes to argue with her brothers that “Mummy is MY Mummy” and “Daddy is MY Daddy”. Recently, she tricked her big brother Alex who had been arguing with her and saying, “Mummy is MY Mummy, Daddy is MY Daddy” she tricked him by saying “Alex is My Alex” and he almost copied her.

She absolutely loves her big brothers and whilst she has her biggest brother, Jason, wrapped around her little finger. Alex is not always inclined to give in to her bossiness but still is willing to give her cuddles and will sometimes play what she wants to play. He also likes to annoy her on purpose, just like loving siblings do.

Now, I don’t know if three-year-olds are considered toddlers. What is considered the age of a pre-schooler? Or is there a term between toddler and pre-schooler? I know my girl has got a lot more confidant and is not one to often shy away from social interaction. She can still be shy around people she doesn’t know well; she does not shy away from interacting with other children and especially loves to be around babies.  She loves to help with the cleaning and tries to dry the dishes with her big brothers. Like her brothers, she doesn’t seem to have any problems making friends.

She’s very much a little copycat, every time either her brothers or I go outside she wants to put her boots on and come outside as well. If her brothers are on their bikes, she has to go on hers as well; when I wear my dressing gown, she has to wear hers as well. If I tell the boys to hurry up, she will tell them to “come on”

She is also very much a Daddy’s girl though does sometimes prefer being with me. I’m hoping she won’t always mainly be a Daddy’s girl and will hopefully enjoy clothes shopping unlike her Dad. She likes having her “coffee” in a cup like Mummy when we go out but right now seems to prefer looking at toys instead of clothes.

My girl, is one of my reasons for living and as weird as this may sound I hope I never seriously hurt her through negative behaviour, I hope my own insecurities are not one of the things she copies, I try my best to work through my own insecurities, sometimes though it seems like a never-ending battle.

I’m hoping the love she receives from her Daddy, brothers and those around her are enough to negate any negativity that I may exude.

My girl will always be my girl, even if she may say “she hates me” when she gets older. My love for her and for her brothers will never diminish and no matter what actions or decisions she makes in her life it will never destroy my love, of this I hope she always knows.

Parent Expectations vs Child Interests

As I sit here, listening to my almost 8-year-old telling his 6-year-old brother to stop asking me to go on his tablet, my almost 3-year-old girl wants me to wear my headphones or tries to connect the mouse to the laptop; I think about how my children love to play together, it doesn’t matter if it’s playing with the play kitchen or going on their bikes, they love spending time with each other – some of the time. Rylee loves “her babies”, playing with her kitchen, loves dresses and dressing up. She also loves kicking a ball with her big brothers and playing with their toy lightsaber, she loves playing cars with them and riding bikes.

 

The acknowledged stereotypical play is just a part of her playtime and it has made me realise that stereotypes are just a generalisation and when they’re put aside it allows children to be whom they are and not determined by others.  Expectations are only a necessity when it comes to good manners and positive behaviour. It is my belief that we should desire our children to be positive contributing members of society who believe they can be who they want to be and not feel overwhelmed by a parent’s expectations.

Defining our children by an expectation of their play and what they wear should never be a part of their childhood; just because the stereotype says that girls love “girly” things or boys love cars, trucks etc…. doesn’t mean that it is always the reality. I remember when both my boys were toddlers, they would want to wear my clothes, shoes and the play-up dresses at creche as well as playing with cars, trucks and dinosaurs etc… but now they are into sports, bikes, Lego, Minecraft. What they like when they were little doesn’t always determine what their interests will be as they get older. Sometimes their interests when little grow into a passion and sometimes, they are put to the way-side and other interests come into play.

   

Another important thing to remember is that if a child excels at something, it may plateau and they may not always excel at that particular thing; or if a child is quick to learn something that their sibling may struggle with does not mean the elder child is better than the second, they are just different and that as parents it’s not good to expect the second child to progress at the same rate as their sibling. All children are different even those with the same parents and it can be detrimental if a child feels they have to live up to someone else’s ability.

If I remember correctly, as a child I enjoyed playing with trucks more than with dolls, though I did play with dolls when playing with my younger sister, I wasn’t a big fan of skirts/dresses and often wore shorts or jeans and from my teen years had an aversion to pink clothing. Since my pregnancy with my youngest daughter I actually like pink things more and as a baby my girl used to have a lot of pink clothes, so I bought her clothes in other colours to add a bit of variation. Now, I am not averse to wearing dresses, though I do find jeans more practical while the kids are still young.

When pregnant with my youngest, I had a slight concern that she may be a Tomboy, since she has 2 big brothers. I think that was the reason that when she was a baby I often dressed her in pink/flowery clothing and often put a pretty headband on her; this concern was unnecessary as even though she does like to try and play whatever her brothers play she also likes pretty things and is a very nurturing and doting little lady.

I think that with 2 brothers she has the best of both worlds, her interests may change as she gets older, but I hope that her nurturing nature doesn’t dissipate, and her heart is always caring to others. I want her to know, that external beauty is not as important as internal beauty, that a beautiful character is more lasting than the outer beauty which can fade or change. I want my children to see past outward appearances to the person inside and that sometimes even an outwardly beautiful person can be ugly on the inside and vice versa.

It’s nice to feel good about your physical appearance and to take care of yourself. Its more important to be confidant in who you are and not compare yourself to others. Children need to feel like who they are and how they feel about themselves is more important than what others think of you. This is something I struggle with and do not what to pass this weakness onto my children. Once a habit of bad thinking is formed, as an adult it seems harder to knock into line.

Positive thinking needs to be encouraged from a young age if possible; unfortunately, this is not always the case and has led to adults with more of a negative outlook. This may have sometimes been caused by negativity spoken into their life when young or negative events that have skewered their view of life.

 

 

Children need to find their own place in the world, with support, acceptance and freedom to be themselves. It’s okay for parents to have expectations without being forceful and unrelenting.

Nine Months On…..

Generally speaking, a pregnancy lasts nine months; those months can be filled with pain, weird cravings, awkward postures, sleepless nights; yet at the end of those nine months is a reward that made all that annoying stuff worth the journey.

It has been almost nine months since my husband had the right frontal craniotomy and at first it seemed that it was a success – concerning the seizure activity, yes there was a slight hiccup (what we thought) with the mobility of his left leg. For a while there though, things seemed to be better. However, that brief spell of hope was like a false positive as the seizures came back – though not as bad as previously. Due to the weakness of his left ankle, my husband has had a variety of falls and at times couldn’t even put weight on either of his legs. This has meant that as much as he loves the tomfoolery with our kids often it ends in him tripping over and breaking something or hurting himself.

At the time of the surgery I was fearful that he wouldn’t make it through the surgery even though it was not something the surgeons were concerned about, not even his mother had the same concerns I did and as a former nurse she probably understood the risks more than I.

Lately, I’ve had the odd thought that the surgery seemed to have been redundant and caused more harm than good. The lessening of seizures seems to have been neutralised by the weakening of the mobility on the left side.

With the continuation of seizure activity, I presume this means that there will be no decreasing of medication, which was one of the outcomes we had hoped for from the surgery. The medication has its own side effects which does not assist with quality of life and makes it difficult to comprehend whether the undesirable actions/reactions of my husband are due to the medication, the brain trauma or the male persona.

This confusion I experience makes me question my own reactions and whether I am not be understanding enough or am lacking in sympathy; sometimes I feel like I’m being selfish in wanting to do things for myself or having an expectation of my husband doing more around the house.

As far as I am aware our situation is one of a kind, and though others have their own trials and struggles I often feel alone and struggle to come to terms with what is our “normal”.  I guess it just shows my humanity in that I have my own weaknesses and times of selfishness. I can just try to do the best I can and realise that in many ways having help may not be always possible and I need to find a way to face each day as best as I can, whilst putting my own personal troubles aside as in the long term they are just not as important as the medical struggles my husband has to deal with every day.

 

 

 

Nerf War Party: Boys, Bullets & Balls

 

At the end of last month, we celebrated my youngest son’s 6^th Birthday; his last “party” until he turns 10 – well, that’s the plan anyway.

 

This year’s celebration was a Nerf War party with a handful of comrades of similar age. By having a Nerf War party most of the boys invited were dropped off by their Dad’s. A couple of Dad’s even stayed and talked with Rob or joined in with the Nerf War. This year’s party was different in that other than his sister and cousins, those invited were all boys; for Alex’s 5^th birthday half of those invited were girls.

The boys spent the majority of the time outside as it was a nice day; which was a blessing considering March weather can be unpredictable, this day showed no signs of rain or dreary weather.

When the food was deemed ready to be consumed by yours truly, the boys took their plates of party food and disappeared into Jason and Alex’s bedroom. The majority of them came back out for cake and present opening, one little boy was feeling up to socialising at that particular moment so stayed in the bedroom while all the excitement was going on; I messaged the boy’s mum to let her know how he was feeling and she said they’d come get him in a little while – by the time they arrived he was back involved with what all the other boys were doing.

Alex got a few more sets of Lego, so while most of the boys were outside, he and Jason started to construct the sets; I had to encourage my boys’ to put aside the Lego for the time being and go outside with their friends. Outside, the boys played a bit of soccer, had a bit of rough and tumble play and then also carried on with the Nerf War. They also explored our garage and naturally turned it into a war zone with balls and bullets flying everywhere.

Other than Jason, the boys were all 6 years old and for the most part I left them to their own devices, checking on them intermittently between tidying up and engaging in conversation with other adults.

I had my 2-year-old daughter to keep out of too much trouble, though she was fairly entertained by her cousins; mainly the other 2-year-old girl. A toddler can be a handful just in daily life, so on a celebratory day with all the excitement a toddler’s behaviour can be next level if not kept distracted.

Alex is my Easter baby, this year though his birthday occurred a few weeks before Easter so there was actually less anxiety on this particular weekend, as my boys went back to school on Monday and were able to run off all the excitement of the weekend without over-exciting their little sister.

As usual I made and decorated Alex’s birthday cake myself – this cake was a bit easier and less stressful than the snake cake I made for his 3^rd birthday, though it still wasn’t what I had imagined.

I’ve found that over these years of being a mum I’ve slowly been developing my cake decorating “skills”. I’m still very much an amateur and have yet had a cake turn out as I imagined; at least I have been stepping out of my comfort zone and attempting cake decorating, even though artistic creativity is not my forte.

This cake was my 2^nd attempt at a drip cake, the first which I did for Jason and Rylee’s joint birthday party (6^th and 1^st) the ganache was way too thick and didn’t drip. This time the ganache was too thin and I had attempted to thicken it with icing sugar – which was a mistake.

It’s interesting how as a parent I have tried my hand at different things which I wouldn’t have considered if it wasn’t for my kids. It makes me think of how there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my kids and how hopefully I’m teaching them that its always good to try new things. It may not turn out how they expect but the only failure would be in not trying in the first place.

Dream Big, Darling Daughter

I was a boy mum for just over three years; my first girl I unfortunately didn’t get to parent anyway when my youngest boy was just over three years old a baby girl arrived to complete our little family. I had a lot of fears when pregnant with her and was kind of worried that she would be a tomboy and prefer more “boyish” stuff; that wouldn’t have really mattered at all, however because of the fact I finally had a little girl to buy pretty clothes and dainty things instead of the same old boy stuff. I discovered a love for the colour pink and recently for rainbows and unicorns.

 

Having a girl after two boys was a new experience from the first nappy change – where I felt at a loss to know where and how to clean. I also didn’t know about the bloody discharge that new-born baby girls can have which most of the time is normal. I found this out when my niece was born a few months before the arrival of our girl.

I want my girl to be who she wants to be and not be discouraged because some may think she’s “just a girl” and can’t do something. Truthfully though I am a bit more protective of her than I am of her brothers. My eldest son spent the night at his Nana’s before he was even Two years old, I spent a few days in a different city from my boys when my youngest started creche just over Two years old. My girl is two and a half and I have only just recently spent the day in a different city to her, and she’s never stayed away anywhere overnight without me.

I am watchful when she plays with her big brothers and it took a while for me to relax when they were being a bit rough in my opinion, however for the most part they are pretty caring towards her and I have only had to step him when they’ve been a bit too rough which has only been on the odd occasion.

When my eldest son started school, my girl was only about 2 weeks old and I was still a bit nervous about his first day and pretty much had to guided out the classroom by his teacher. When my youngest son started school, he wanted to go into school with just his big brother; needless to say, that wasn’t happening as I was determined to go in with him for his first day, even though I already knew the classroom and his teacher.

I imagine when my girl starts school in a few years, that will be when I am the emotional at a first day of school. She already wants to go on the school bus every time she watches her brothers hop on the bus. I’m not sure I’ll be ready for her to start school as she is my last baby.

I still can’t believe how big she’s getting and that she’ll be three years old this year, she’ll definitely be a toddler then. As a two-year-old she has been quite strong-willed, and she knows what she wants and sometimes will scream the house down if she doesn’t get her way. Her confidence and independence seem to have grown by leaps and bounds these last few months and in a way, it saddens me but I’m also proud of how she’s grown and how she’s learning to stand her ground.

She likes to boss her big brothers around and sometimes it appears that she has them wrapped around her little finger, she does try to boss her Dad and I around but doesn’t work as well as it does with the boys.

I made a mistake with my biggest boy and was quite lenient with him as he was my Rainbow baby, I now seem to be paying for that mistake, and it doesn’t help that he’s my sensitive child and my girl though soft-hearted seems a lot more confident than he her eldest brother at the same age. I guess that’s why the first is often the parenting guinea pig.

Having two big brothers to lead the way means my girl has had to learn to stand her ground and ensure her voice is heard, at the moment she’s not doing it in a preferable way and on occasion tries it with her Dad and I which is good some of the time when we are distracted though doesn’t always get her what she wants.

Children need to grow and learn, to be well-adjusted adults – if possible. My girl may be my little princess, but I am determined that she won’t be a spoilt little princess that feels entitled to get whatever she wants.

Dream Big, Stand Strong and Hold Fast my darling girl